Patience Needed Please

Time for another post this is the best remedy especially when agitated.  I had a tough day.  Simply put each day for me is extremely challenging.  What most people who don’t suffer a mental illness consider challenging for a person with mental illness is challenging times 100!  When you meet someone who has mental illness may I ask that you show us compassion please that & plenty of patience.  I know we can be a bit much to take in but as I’ve said or alluded to in previous blogs please, please have patience we simply cannot help how our brains are wired.  Depending on our situtations and mine is the most challenging because I have very minimal family support…..Father is dead, Mom is elderly & also mentally ill with bipolar, depression, PTSD so I can’t get what I need from them I usually suffer pretty bad even with my daily meds.   Lonliness is the biggest barrier and for me I really do contemplate suicide because its most unbearable without that much needed family support.   I always say this in my previous blogs but would you indulge me please?   Make sure you count your blessings if your lucky to have a family who loves you, spends time with you, which could be as simple as sitting at a table together eating a meal.  Its something I crave almost daily, for me its the little things I desire when I’m alone.   When your mentally ill, living on your own the stress is astronomical! your wanting love from someone, your basically deprived of all those basics like someone to come home to, someone to do things with, which some of you might take for granted.  I cannot stress this enough.   I’m always honest on here so I need to ask you out there to just be patient if I seem upset, tell me it will be alright, give me a hug.   What I don’t want is to be thought of as some bad person, I just want compassion the same compassion for say a person who has a brain injury, or a returning soldier who has been in battle.   As I was waiting for my bus tonight I was agitated, restless and just wishing how when I wake up that I wouldn’t …ever!  What triggered this  the cashier at Trader Joes who made a mistake of not telling me that I need to press “Credit” for my Visa gift card.   I asked him which option on the card machine should I choose, I said to him I have a gift card, however the cashier thought I had a T.J. gift card so needless to say my card came up invalid….I had 60 dollars on my card.  I had to leave without my groceries thus no food for myself and my cupboards stay empty.  I was somewhat over the edge and immediately felt like a failure…..the illness monster came knocking at my door!   My thoughts went wild.    Living day to day is a struggle.  I never look forward to tomorrow because for me it will be more of the same.   I just require love, patience, support….you don’t need to know how to help me unless you work in the mental health field.  I just need love & support please.   Love & support.   And patience.   I’ve never had that.  You’d be surprised at how intolerant people can be for a person with an illness or how these same people never stop to think just for a minute…..well she might be sick let me show her some patience, kindness instead of anger…..I know I’m asking a lot but I deserve this from you.  I’m scared people whats worse I’m sick & scared and whats even more worse people seem real impatient instead of showing me love…often its anger.   That won’t help me.  Please remember I have a disorder I’m real good at keeping it under control but when I deal with life’s difficult situations on my own I really get overwhelmed without something to keep me going.  And these days its kindness, a lot of patience….and if you can a little bit of your time.   My age really doesn’t fix a thing I’m emotionally stunted at say 20 years old so just because I’m a 30 something adult my mind hasn’t caught up with my age.   I love people, I’m caring, I just need more of a balanced life:  Face to face friends, no social media-doesn’t work for me need more than a pic online, and everything else in between I’m like a 3rd World starving child of emotional need.   These blogs are all I have and these blogs help keep me sane.  I sure hope it starts to get better for me.   I’m tired of waiting.