Inside My Madness?

I’m in the throes of my manic episode right now.  Its 8PM Friday night.  I’m hitting myself in the head with my yellow legal tablet the safest thing to use when you get like this.  I’m just yelling at the top of my lungs of how I just can’t take any of this anymore, I’m so rageful right now and I’m rage full at myself for getting into this damn situation.  I’m slapping the wall pacing back & forth I’m documenting all this as best I can to bring to the new place where I will get therapy appointment on Monday I think that I will get an evaluation? I sure hope so. I just hope that they take my insurance or have a sliding scale I don’t know.  Been rejected everywhere else you just don’t know.   I go to any lengths to get help but I get rejected one told me I’m too far, well my thinking is no matter how far I go I need the help so I will go.  But try telling those assholes that.   They don’t listen those psychologists with all their degrees.  A bunch of uppidity jerks.   It doesn’t matter to them that I’m sick they could care less….BUT have the right insurance & act as docile as a mouse these are the clients they love.

My mind is swirling I’m home alone…..not just now but always I have no one to call…my Mother is pretty detached or disconnected from my pain.  She just shuts down.  Or she tells me to pray.  That’s all she does.   That’s it.

Alright.  I need prayers to subside my madness I’m sick send a prayer lots of them.  How to be happy & sane that is the question.  Anyone have an answer?  Anyone?  Inquiring minds would like to know.