Where the heck does one go for a lively Church service?  That’s what I really prefer only problem I’m gay & I like music, people excited to be in Church & most importantly friendly.  I’ve visited some gay affirming Churches in Seattle but mostly its older people, no music and real dull.  One church Christian Faith has what I’m looking for in a Church its every age, full of diversity only problem its not gay friendly its real conservative.  In 2010 I’ve visited around four different Churches usually it was an uncomfortable experience.  Metropolitan Community Church I guess that’s what its called…MCC for short was the worst.  I attended a service that year & it was a pretty small congregation, a new Pastor, and some real uptight LGBT folks.  When I went the Pastor was just outside the door greeting everyone so far its okay.  I told him that this was my first time Pastor John (not his real name) tried to introduce me around.  Both the Pastor & I came upon a female couple both in their 30’s when I was introduced however they seemed real uptight with mechanical smiles on their faces.  After that the couple were joined at the hip & they never came to talk to me.  That really hurt my feelings here I thought that Church would be a friendly experience.  So I stayed on for the service I sat alone, no one offered to me a chance to sit next to them.  I have to say that this was so far the coldest Church congregation that I’ve ever been to.  I’ve attended Church in the past & those Churches which I’ve attended were a lot more congenial than MCC on Capitol Hill.  Made me real sad.  I tried to stay after for the buffet or potluck.  I’ll be nice & say I didn’t eat very much.  I then sat down to a table were two women (a couple) who were middle aged sat.  One of them seemed real awkward but at least she talked to me or more aptly said a few words.  All I remember was that the woman said hi and the woman had said “Well we’re from Everett so we don’t get out much”  That was pretty much all she said.  You know I’m great at conversation but it was pretty obvious that there just wasn’t much chemistry for any exciting conversation.  I mean the person I’m talking to just has to meet me half way & try otherwise I just lose interest.  I don’t like putting in all the work & effort at getting someone to talk.  So I usually move on which I did.  I’ve traveled around a lot, I’ve lived in 6 different Cities, I’ve been to Europe twice so I just got up then left to go home.

I’ve tried other Churches most didn’t really pan out & they were too far for me to travel on the bus.  I also like multi cultural Churches, music were theres guitar, singing, drums usually the Baptist Churches have them but they tend toward the homophobic & are real conservative.  I am single, have never married, and I don’t have kids.  I feel that I would not fit in.

Being gay is in my opinion is one big disappointment for me.  I am just disappointed with it.  Can’t say I care much for it.  Right now I would be open to going back to guys but I won’t wear a dress.  I’m considering a complete makeover to include losing weight beyond that I don’t know.

Right now, this life just isn’t working out for me.  Sorry if I might offend whoever is reading this but I’m really put off by this lifestyle (or lack thereof in my case)  and I’m looking to really overhaul my life.   Its just very unsatisfying for me and I’ve been trying to put myself out there for a number of years and still nothing.  I’m at a time in my life were this is just no longer appealing .  This is how I feel.  I just have no one else to talk to about all this not even my own Mother because she is settled into her ways & is pretty lethargic when it comes to living a meaningful & active lifestyle.  She lives her life in front of the TV something she has done since I was in high school.   She is into the self pity, depression thing, no motivation whatsoever.  I don’t have any family really.  

Anyone out there if you have a friendly non judgmental comment to send me I would appreciate it a whole lot.  And remember I want non judgmental, no negative, preachy comments cause I just won’t read it.  I’ll delete it real quick.  Its time for a change.  I hope I can get what I want.  I want friends with real self esteem & can carry a good conversation.  I want to do things like going bowling, go out to eat, do outdoor activities even riding a bike something I haven’t done in ages.   I just don’t know what my next move should be.