How I Feel About My Life

Judging by the lack of response it appears that no one is interested in what I write.  Fine by me I just need to remember that I blog for me, I have no one to talk to, no one to share this with.  I’ve found most people that I’ve met to be pretty intolerant & not fully appreciating me for who I am which is a great person.  If none of you approve, well I don’t care.  I do this for me.  I know that no one cares about me, that’s a hard fact to face, its nothing I do.  Its just the reality of living in a World that’s self absorbed & narcisstic.  I don’t feel necessarily good about my life.  That’s just how I feel.  I’m trying awfully hard but so far I’m at a dead end.   Finding therapy has proven real challenging.  I can’t seem to find anyone who will take my insurance and most places in the mental health field want certain kinds of insurance.  Also I find that I deal with a great deal of stigma out in the World.  That’s a shame.  I’m so through with this Society at large.  Seems like I could find some support somewhere only problem I just don’t know where.   I tried N.A.M.I. out in the town of Redmond.  Redmond was too far on the bus plus some of those folks don’t take baths meaning the body odor is more than I can stand.   Say what you will about me & I know that it probably isn’t real good which is sad for me, but I practice daily hygiene.  Unfortunately you run into something like that with people withy mental illness.   So I’ll try to find another meeting out in another suburb held in a Church.  Kind of far but it might be a little better.  My other pet peeve was that the Redmond NAMI was in a room full of florescent lighting…..can’t stand it and hardly makes for a relaxing, laid back support group meeting.

Things aren’t going real well for the time being how I feel is a lot like when a person has a strenuous workout, tired, and just plain exhausted.   But mostly depressed, real sad.  Is there light at the end of this tunnel?   I just have to wonder about that.   What is taking so long with that help for me.   You know what it feels like?  Your all alone out on a battlefield like in a war zone & you have no back up, no battalion, your all alone fighting an enemy and no one has your back & there is no help on the way.   This is how I feel all the time.   I’m sending the distress signal but no one is coming.    I often felt like this as a child too.   I do have goals I am trying to go into worker retraining once I’ve finished it (I still need to attend orientation & a bunch of other stuff)  I would very much like to join the Peace Corp.  Don’t know if I’ll get accepted but I’m so very tired of Society, these selfish types.   Don’t much care for City life either.  I did an internet search.   However I’d make sure I’d take plenty of medication 6 months worth, hopefully I can’t have them shipped whenever I would need a refill.  Peace Corp is a 2 or 3 year commitment which is fine by me.   I figure I would take up carpentry to be able to help build whatever is needed to the Country of my choice.  Carpenters I feel are needed just about everywhere there is stuff that always need to be built.   I really want to do the Peace Corps.  A nice thing about the Peace Corp is that there is no age limit I don’t think a College degree is necessary, cause I don’t possess one except for the 2 year degree I would complete in the carpentry course.  I will also upgrade my blog to the premium package then post pictures on here.  

I’ve pretty much have given up on meeting people for now of course here isn’t the easiest place to meet anyone.  Most of the non profit places for support or anything else are now gone.  Seattle is awful for that now its all about Meetup then to enroll on there you must download a picture or include your facebook page.  Too much hassle & I don’t like Meetup.  Its gotten way too technical for me.  Don’t much care for it either.  Especially with all the scam artists especially who use Facebook.

Whether you read me or not that’s okay.  But I sure could use prayers.  Come on do something nice for someone (me) who might not be fairing well and I’m not.  I feel as though I’ve got a flu of the brain.  Show me some love.  Cause I ain’t too proud to beg (Title from the former hip hop band TLC)

So tomorrow yet another new day.  Perhaps it will be better.

To be continued……