No One Has The Time For Me.

This has been problematic since my 20’s.  No one has the time for me.  I just got off the phone with my Mom and even she didn’t make time for me.  Her excuse was that her & her Husband were watching a movie & that they needed to finish it up before returning it?  Return it were?  The video stores have gone out of business.  So she just wanted to get me off the phone.  Makes me mad.  No one has ever made time for me. Ever.  Not anyone in AA except for those desperate leeches who had romantic interests in me.  Not my late Father.   It truly sucks MAN I wished that I never returned back to Washington once I got out of the service.  Biggest mistake in my life.  Cause now I have no one.  All these years I’ve gotten the garden variety of excuses not to spend any time with me.   My self esteem is really in the toilet now.  When I spoke with Mom she just sounded all curt & impatient.   She is supposed to help me to clear the remaining things out of the storage unit I had to use when I moved to another apartment.   When I told her that my rent was due and I had to pay it she got all annoyed with me.  Wished I didn’t need her for this errand of clearing out my storage.  Oh how I hate this.  I’m really emotionally deprived and its real hard to stay strong, on top of living alone day in, day out for several years now.   Its hard.  Having to deal with the isolation, the bigotry, the intolerance, no one pays me any attention then I have a irritable Mother who just doesn’t care to listen to me or how my day went.  Man I wished that I wished that I had made better choices & moved as far away from Mom as I could.  I just didn’t know about mental illness & I thought she would get better.  Its times like this that I really don’t wish to live anymore.  I’m just tired of all this.  My life lacks love, it lacks any fun, it lacks any joy.   Someone give me some love & encouragement.  Cause I’m definitely running on fumes