Monday September 23rd

I’m real bad!  I have no one to give me comfort.  All I’m getting is cold distant treatment.  I don’t deal with being real broke and I budget what little money that I have so at the end of the month, I usually have at least a couple hundred to get whatever groceries, skin care or what ever little things I might need.

What upsets me is that I’m such a nice person but time & time again I run into some real unsavory people, or bigoted folks, or people that have a nasty jealous streak against me just because I have a real class act disposition.  Shit, I should have been born into a prominent family.   Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I was switched at birth.  There seems to be someone who sabotages shit, some sort of underhanded situations.  I’ve met a few so called friends like that.   Now it seems I’m dealing with a landlord that is a total crook, or extremely inept.  Cause anyone can swear up & down that it wasn’t their fault.

Last week I discovered a gift card to a local very over priced steak house that my Mother gave me on my birthday in lieu of actually sitting across the table from her to dine.  So I went down to the restaurant because this place is WAY over priced, predominately Caucasion go there.  So since I had a 50 dollar gift card ( there lowest dinner is like 25 dollars)  I went for the lunch menu its cheaper.

Now another situation.  Since I had a 50 dollar gift card I was told that I had to use it ALL AT ONCE.  So a one time thing.  That is just so stupid!   So I had to order 50 dollars worth of stuff, then all I got to carry the shit in was two cheap liquor store type bags!  So in other words, real cheap bags.  I then had to go back because the staff forgot my water!   I’m thinking if I’m ordering all this damn stuff shouldn’t there be a nice bag with handles so I can carry all this shit?

At those prices I expect it.

Then I’m on a bus & school is out.  The brats load on at least 20+ load on.  Great! 😦

I get home to open one of my food cartons.  I open the one labeled Fish & Chips and end up with some of the toughest fish I ever tasted.  My teeth are slowly eroding… when I take a bite out of the fish it is coated  with a sand paper style batter that would scratch the roof of your mouth or to further chip your teeth.  I’m used to the light beer batter fish.  This wasn’t it.  For 7 dollars I expected more.

The cold fries tastes better.  This restaurant is way over estimated plus real snobby.  I felt real uncomfortable waiting in there let me tell you!

What a day!  One good thing at least the woman who works at the Alliance For People With Disabilities a non profit agency was caring & supportive.  Let me say everyone I just don’t get that! 

Ever!  What I usually get is cold, distant, often a apathetic voice on the other end.   And all the while I’m in meltdown mode ready to go on a rampage.   I am capable of being self destructive.  It’s bad.   I feel like I can’t surface from this deep dark black hole I’m in.

I have no love for the landlord, my Mother, and that troll of a Step Father.

I feel like I’m wounded & left out on the side of the road with no one to pull over to offer help.

I need a bunch of prayers.  I’m hurting.