Too Much That It Really Overwhelms My Brain

TV with over 500 channels & a comperturized menu.

A far cry from when I was a kid & you could count the channels on your TV on both

hands.   Yes I’ve been around a very long time & you just wouldn’t know it by looking at me.   I feel blessed on that front.   But I sure do get overwhelmed with all of the technology.   I mean its great, however when I was growing up our biggest entertainment was either playing football in the street or hide & seek until well past dark on the streets of Los Angeles.   I sure wouldn’t trade that for this video game crazed generation, for me all that seems so fake.   In fact I hate video games.   I don’t like computer games.   I like to read, watch quality DVDs i.e. foreign films, independant, certain tv shows like Leverage, The Equalizer (tv show from the ’80’s), old westerns, and tv sitcoms from the 70’s & 80’s.   I don’t like alot of the stuff that passes for tv shows these days.    

Although I’m pretty smart I like stuff kept simple.   I’m the same with what I want in a car, an apartment.   I really don’t have any interest in keeping up with the latest anything.   And I want to keep that way too.   

I do like the website YouTube a site I visit daily to listen to alot of retro music from the 90’s.   That site is a life saver & I’m so grateful to the people who post the music on that site.   It helps me to hang in their when day to day life kicks me in the ass!   But you know?  I still keep my sense of humor.   I think that alot of people are praying for me, I say that because my mental illness hasn’t been rearing its ugly head  & I’ve been keeping a positive, upbeat attitude….mixed in with some wisecracks here & there & I seem to being doing alright.   One thing I can say I feel better in my own skin.   

This is something I really didn’t have in previous years.   For many years I was in such a miserable state.  Now I seem okay although I don’t have much I strive to get what I want in life which is mainly a place to live.  I don’t have much of an interest in a relationship unless its friendship & a platonic one.   Cause thats all I can handle right now.  Mentally & emotionally I’m kind of at the age of about 22 or 24 years old.   I’m much older than that but for many years I was emotionally stunted.   That comes from not getting what you needed when you were growing up as a child.   What I got instead were: neglect, abuse both mental & verbal.   I know that its up to me to get my own life on track, all of those negatives kind of took its toll on me emotionally & I still haven’t really healed from all of that.   I hope to be able to write you a different scenario one of these days.   I have a feeling that I will.   But I have to tell you I am not too crazy about all of the fast paced, technology fueled things going on.   It’s just too overwhelming.

I’m better suited sittting on a beautiful island somewhere in Thailand taking in some sand & sun, just living inside a hut & living off the land.   I hope to do that some day.