I Survive All Of The Trauma Only To get Ignored/Neglected Again. Not Fair

I mean it’s not like I don’t open my mouth to reach out.  I do.   However there ain’t no one out here that will F**king listen to me!   I live alone for many years.  My childhood was HELL!  No love no nurturing but plenty of molesting, physical abuse, psychological abuse that could have matched any tactics that the C.I.A. could have done & who knows the people that raised me could have been demonically induced b/c they did a great job scaring the HELL out of me.   Anyhow, I survive all this shit only to get worse treatment as an adult and not just for a few years but ever since I turned 18 years of age.  I’m older now so far I’m a year older, same shit in fact more shit.  Still the cold indifferent Mother who just doesn’t seem to give a damn about nothing.  Today being Fathers day & my Dad having been dead awhile now you would think I would get some kind of emotional support….but no I don’t my Mother has all the personality of plywood…it was all about her as usual.   I try to call an extended family member but she didn’t seem at all interested in talking to me nor giving any kind of support not even a little bit.   It felt like I wasn’t even on the damn phone.

I feel so damn invisible.   I feel angry and I want to hurt someone real bad like lash out.   I guess it’s a good thing I live alone.  For me people are just shit.  I’ve really never known what its like to be treated well.   I’ve given up being nice it does no good.   Wished I could give my Mother a good smack in the face b/c she annoys me something bad. 

Published by: The Lonely Shepard

Me: I grew up in an extremely abusive & disadvantaged family environment were both parents were really immature & their relationship messy! I was abducted by my Father at age 8 abused physically, mentally, degraded by his 2nd Wife, and I didn't see my Mother again until 4 years later, I had to risk my neck + my life to run off to seek help with the local police & this was way before there was any such laws on the books for child abuse. Think on that awhile. Had learning disabilities all throughout school by the time I graduated I learned nothing, was prepared for nothing out in the World. Think on that. Joined the United States Army right out of High School only reason I did join was that at the time there was an Army recruiter right on the High School campus & he took an interest in me. So I joined. I was really in over my head. But what else could I do? I lived with a single Mom who was emotionally unstable & I had ZERO support from anyone including the school staff + administrators. The military was hard & degrading to me as a woman but I got out with an honorable discharge. More about me: A series of dead end jobs, my mind was totally a mess after I got out of the Army, still had no support not even from the Veterans admin. My journey has been a total nightmare of: trying to find out about myself, learning about myself, how to live as an adult, all with no help. Now after long , and intensive filled journey I'm trying to get back on track with my life I want to go to school with the hope of one day attending University. I don't wish my journey on anyone. No one gave me guidance: as a child as a teen as a young adult I was all on my own! and it was real lonely , isolating, extremely frightening. Family? don't really have any. Now remember everyone I'm African American & I receive little to no respect I don't even warrant a speeding car that will slow down. "The person who sang the National Anthem sang the last note so high that no could reach it! That was intentional!" Belize from Tony Kushners play Angels In America. If you've read this far I will leave my email in case you want to leave me a msg. Those that are rude will get deleted immediately. Contact: Yogibeara425@hushmail.com

Categories just trying to make it in a World full of hate & intolerance for people of color