Just Because One Has A Parent..It Doesn’t Mean, They’re There For You

I wanted to clarify something to everyone.  Just because someone has a Mother who is living doesn’t mean they were ever there for you.  Ever.  I hear this tired cliché , “But you have a Mother”  .   Well that may have been the case, but my Mother was never there for me.  And it makes me bitter.   I’ve had no one to talk to as a teen.  I therefore grew into one angry adult.    

For example:  Once my Step cousins with whom I was close with and whom I did care about deeply moved away to be with their Father, my Mother all but ignored me.   She chose to sit around watch TV it could be a perfectly great day out she would sit around doing nothing.   Now I’m a teen 14, 15 years old.  On Sundays she would choose to stay in bed sleeping instead of going to Sunday mass.   I had to walk the mile & half by myself most Sundays.   She rarely rose before 1PM.   I had a very lonely teen years.   It was horrible.  Then I had boys lecherous boys who all they wanted was to get into my pants.   Now I’m not like I am now were I tell any man to just F**K off, I was a vulnerable young kid.   I couldn’t talk to my Mother because guess what?  All she would do was scream, hit, throw things, turn over furniture….etc.   Would you bring any questions to someone like this?   I sure as hell didn’t want to.   I would often go play on the playground by myself shooting hoops  thank God that I wasn’t lured away by some predator . there was no one  that wanted to spend the time with me and I mean no one, I had no one tell me about the boys & girls club well of course not because that would have required some attention being paid to me wouldn’t it?   Not only did I have to deal with a selfish & narcisstic  Mother, I had to deal with her moving her boyfriend in who by the way was really immature.   It felt like having another child in the house.     Picture a grown man in the house with a grown woman & a young teen child.   And all of you know the bad habits most men do and you can imagine how violated & gross I felt.   Now add to this I am in the throes of teen angst, I’m dealing with mean young girls who love to be a little bitch i.e. jealousy, alienation

And you have a young girl who fell into a deep depression.   Now did anyone pay attention?  Hell no.    Add to that I’m expected to take care of my Mother.   Are you kidding me?   Really?   Once Mom & I found a house to move to things really didn’t get better.  Instead all I was for my Mom was a whipping post.   When I wasn’t a whipping post here was another example of more needs that WEREN’T met for me.

Mom would come home from work.   She would fix a bowl of cornflakes, then she would go right up to her room & CLOSE THE DOOR!  Where I wouldn’t see her for the entire evening.   I would not have any kind of meal.  I mean it does take teamwork.    Why not buy groceries then either call me from her job or leave me easy  instructions to put something in the oven I could have done that.   I’m the child, but you have to give me instructions on what to do remember the Mom is the parent if she is overwhelmed then FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO!   Saying to me that I have to buy my own groceries at 16 years of age when I can’t even pass subjects in school (and no one helped there either) makes no sense.   One thing I don’t understand in my culture is that often the kids are treated like adults……they’re not!   I was confused, depressed, I often felt suicidal & sometimes I kind of wished I had ended my life because my life sure didn’t get any easier.   Meaning when I joined the Army i.e. more abuse from officers sexual + verbal.    Parents you really need to step up to the plate more for your daughters.  How I didn’t end up pregnant with multiple kids, incarcerated, or a heroin user is a fucking MYSTERY!  I can tell you that our parents especially black parents definitely fail the kids.   I know mine did & oh my God am I paying the price.   It’s really left me screwed up.