No Such Thing As Loyalty. Especially With Family

It has taken me well over a year to write about this but now it’s time.   I want to write about a particular sad thing, so if you ain’t in the mood.   Feel free to browse other blogs.

As I type this I am listening to Maria Callas.  Don’t know who she is?  Google her up.  I’m a great fan & love her singing.

So an elderly Aunt passes away well over a year ago.  I went out of loyalty and love.  This Aunt had saved the lives of both my Mother & I from her vicious dangerous abusive brother back when I was 12 years old.  We had to leave everything behind.  My clothes, toys, my DOG princess (whom the stepdad probably shot out of rage).  So It was traumatic!

The Aunts funeral was extremely painful.  What going to this meant was not only seeing my Aunt lying in that casket (which I couldn’t bring myself to stand to near to) I felt like my insides being torn apart by one big giant hand opening me up.  

I remember that the cousins (step) came up to me to hug me, something that surprised me because I expected to be totally ignored they had pretty much forgotten about me since moving away when we were children.

The Aunt knew many people some good most of them not worth shit.   She had one God child who before the beginning of the funeral services was passing out these lanyards that had the Aunts picture in the plastic part where a card goes.   This woman had only about a handful, but what made me furious was that SHE was only giving these out to A SELECT FEW.   That made me feel humiliated, because I then felt that I wasn’t GOOD enough to get the lanyard.   That God child of my Aunts had NO CLASS and was so thoughtless.  I have to wonder did anyone show her or teach her any manners on how you should treat someone?  I’m thinking NO on that answer.  Oh but wait, let me not forget the burial part!  Some of her no good friends she knew were standing not far from were she was being buried & smoking cigarettes (at the cemetery) laughing & joking very loud like they were at a party ( I think they had been drinking)  very LOW class I think that they were of the ilk of being VERY IGNORANT!   i.e. no manners!   

Fast forward to the Wake (The after funeral gathering) .   Let me share this:  It was HORRIBLE.   I think that I would have preferred being beaten by racist skinheads than attending this God forsaken Wake!  Mom & I arrive and there was alcohol EVERYWHERE!  I don’t drink the two step cousins who were hosting this debacle HAD NO NON ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES of any kind there wasn’t even coffee available I know I checked in fact the one cousin was buying more beer to the damn wake, hey good looking out you S.OB. for asking if anyone needed something else to drink like soda or something, HEY WAS THIS A WAKE OR A FRAT PARTY?.I went to my Aunts coffee machine and it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a while so I left it alone.  Another thing that bothered me was why no one offered me anything to drink, but since there was nothing but ALCOHOL being served that was a MOOT point!.   These step cousins didn’t seem to care about that.  The two of them were responsible for orchestrating that disaster.   I had other painful issues I was dealing with, for it was the first time (and apparently the last) that I was in the Aunts house.   No one seemed to see after me, I was in pain but I was completely ignored.  I was asked by the brother of one of the cousins if I wanted something to eat, there were sandwiches being served (yuck)

Spent that time laying on the damn sofa!  No one talked to me, I felt like the ugly girl at the high school dance holding up the wall!   Oh wait, one last thing when it came time to leave the two very ignorant hosts DIDN’T BOTHER TO SAY GOODBYE

I know that funerals + the wake aren’t supposed to be fun time events but shouldn’t there be SOME modicum of support?  This god damned wake seemed more like a fucking cocktail party more than anything else.   Just another in a very long line of humiliations for me.   It goes to show you everyone that no matter if you have all the college degrees in the world (which the step cousins have)  or money (which they have)  houses (they have that too)  all that can’t buy you class!   I don’t possess any of these things and I have more class in me than these two buffoons have in their pinky finger.    Talk about abuse of power.   I can only hope that they need something from me.    I will have the pleasure of telling them “get bent”.