Stop Saying Black Women Are Angry . We Come From A Background Of Severe Abuse.

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  I’m here to write about something that has always bothered me.   And that would be the stereotyping of African American women.   When one thinks hard enough about it, African American women have THE WORSE stereotypes of any other race with the exception of the Native American culture who were screwed by having their lands stolen from them.

When we are all newborn we are fresh, innocent without blemish.   As African American women there comes a time usually as children when the shit hits the fan.  This comes in many forms.   For me it came in the form of:

Jealousy.    I’m five years old &  so cute, I’m getting so much attention from everyone at a relatives funeral ( at the time it was my step fathers Mother who had passed away).   Of course I couldn’t be happier.    One thing wrong however.   I had an older narcisstic cousin not real handsome, very insecure about 17 years old who hated the fact I got attention.   He retaliated with physically abusing me whenever he could.

Physical & mental abuse from my biological fathers former 2nd (ugly) wife.   Hated me & my Mother.

Instituitional racism from the public school system.   Hey these teachers don’t care right?   From their perspective I would probably end up pregnant ( which I never did) or on public assistance which is what primarily the teachers are thinking at the back of their minds anyway.   Got cheated out of an education, so naturally I’m not prepared to move onto college & my life is on one big train wreck.  A message to my readers BEWARE of some public schools in certain districts they set up kids of color to fail & I’m not making this up.   Better to get them in a charter school or private where they will learn something, be smarter & have a chance at life down the road. Now if they are struggling in their classes PARENTS IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBLITY to insure your kids get what they need.  What does that mean? It means getting them a private tutor, getting them into Sylvan, can’t afford it then find a way to help them an educated relative, sibling, after school tutoring, a high school honor student who could use a few extra bucks come on pass that hat around & rally around your kid because most public school teachers could CARE LESS!   Take it from me YOU DON’T WANT YOUR KIDS TO go down the road I’m going down on.   It’s torment & the world is very UNKIND!  You’ve been given some valuable FREE advice!

Constant discrimination all throughout my young adulthood.    I hear a lot about how we all should treat the immigrants which is great but I have a lot of issues when it comes to discrimination which I encountered on just about all but 1 of my jobs.    Hey I’m a human, not someone you should talk to like I’m mentally challenged.   I encountered discrimination in the military as well.   I had a 2nd lieutenant who really tried to break me down verbally every chance she got.

2-3 months before I graduated high school, no one approached me, asked me, what my plans were after graduation.   I was ignored.   No one helped.   When I did make the decision to enlist in the military people had the NERVE to ask me “Are you sure that your making the right decision”?   what I wanted to say was “No, but no one else gives a damn to help me in anything”!   Of course since I was withdrawn, lacked any identity, and assertiveness I answered with a meek yes.    I would always get mixed messages.    About the only time I got attention was if someone wanted to have sex!  or when I made a mistake.  Degrade & disrespect!

More discrimination, one year I volunteered at a local AIDS organization working in the kitchen prepping food.   This organization provided meals to people living with HIV to their homes.   The organization had a bingo fundraiser which was offered on a Saturday evening.    I didn’t own a car.  So I approached the head of volunteers she was a supervisor coordinator to ask about getting a ride, carpooling with other volunteers.   The woman who was White gave me the COLDEST, MEANEST looking stare that made me feel uncomfortable.  I gave her no reason to treat me in this manner.   What happened next really hurt me.   The same supervisor casually walks into the kitchen were I had been working & announces to her “favorites” about coordinating rides to the fundraising bingo event.  I had been standing not far away.   The woman was very unfriendly, she had just moved to Seattle from Boston, so that could have been why she acted the way she did.   I have heard some not so great rumors about people from Boston.  See there are some that just have zero tolerance for people of the non-white persuasion, I mean if these same people have to interact with you, then they hate that.   I would sure like to see in my lifetime to be judged by my character which is great , then my ethnicity.   I feel that it’s real unfair to treat others with tolerance & others with non tolerance.   As far as I’m concerned I’ve never had any rights.  Ever!

I’ve experienced supervisors ( while volunteering) who won’t listen or care about what I have to say.  Oh yes it happened at yet another volunteer job this one an AIDS hospice day center, however these particular clients did have mental issues.   However I would be on the receiving end of their abusive behavior.   I couldn’t even escape bigotry volunteering at an AIDS hospice day center.   A very big man built like a football linebacker ( whom I suspect may have spent some time  in an institution ) was so hostile he nearly put his hands on me.   He scared the hell out of me his whole demeanor spelled “I’ll kill you”.   Sorry I wasn’t trained for that sort of thing, I mean after all I’m just a lowly volunteer that buses tables & delivers food.  When I approached the supervisor about the threats I received from the hulking bully, the supervisor turned it around making the situation seem like it was my fault!  How come I’m treated with so much disrespect & unfairness?  Word of warning if your an intelligent woman of color don’t come to the Pacific Northwest these people will not treat you fair!       The people here in King County are some of the most bigoted people I’ve ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

Before I go I have a question for some of you out there especially here in this crazy town.   Why is it that when I’m nice I get this sarcastic, shaming verbal abuse of: “well no one is that nice” (and I’ve experienced this)  but say if I might have a bad day then it’s “See I told you those black women are angry” or it’s assumed  that I cause trouble (a favorite label by some Caucasians & non white alike)  some of you want to vilify & stick a negative label on me THEN you will use MY RACE as the excuse!   THAT is so not right.   So I endure abuse, often my safety is at risk, no one cares, I’m not respected nor listened to, then the negatives of trouble making or the too angry stereotype card gets pulled out.   Newsflash people I’m human being I come from a background where I was extremely battered, mentally tortured everyday of my life.  AND as I got older you know what?  It didn’t get better.   I guess with some of you I just can’t win for losing.   As an African American in the States you will be treated unfairly.  I can’t understand why everyone seems to care about LGBT community, the immigrants that cross the border, but when it comes to a black person NO ONE CARES!  What’s up with that?   Do I not have rights?  No of course not.   Because society especially law enforcement would rather see me dead or incarcerated than see me treated with equality.   I’m angry with good reason.  See I can’t afford NOT to wake up to the truth that is so blatantly shoved in front of my face. 

People, what I’m noticing here is the uneven balance of the scales when it comes to the equal treatment of all women of color.   What I hear these days is: Treat gay,lesbians,trans genders with tolerance I say fine,  lets treat all immigrants who come to this country with fairness & tolerance hey I have no problem with that.  But what about women of color?   I’ve experienced none of that!   Here’s what I’ve experienced:

Contempt

Indifference

Hostility

Sarcasm

Verbal abuse

Jealousy

Being mocked

Being molested

Being bullied & talked to in an aggressive manner

Not being treated with respect + dignity

Called Nigger, and trust  me when I say that this word has came back with a FLOURISH!   A black person stands up for injustice then call him/her this vile word.  Surprise, surprise THAT is not considered a hate crime by law enforcement or anyone else .   WHY?   No idea.

I grew up WATCHING , HEARING my own Mother being violently abused by her former 2nd Husband.  We ended up fleeing, he in later years ended up poisoning his last Wife and who 15 years after we fled raped a child! (who was under 12) 

Not being treated AS EQUAL!  

Attention to all!  I have my own mind.    I choose who I want in my life, I’ll date who I want.  If for whatever reason you have a problem with me,   don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!   Disrespect, telling me what to do with my life will just never be tolerated.  And please keep in mind everyone that my life HAS been fraught with danger…life threatening danger of which I will write in a later blog(s) 

This is a continuation of my blog.   To my male readers, I ask you this:  Do you have any idea what it’s like growing up female in this country?  I have been sexually objectified since 8 years old!  A mentally challenged boy who I think may have been 13 or 14 asked or alluded to having sex with me, I said no & I was scared.  Luckily he happily said okay like a child and forgot all about it.   But I’ve had nothing but men treat me like some sort of piece of meat.   At 14 I sign up for after school bowling a boy around the same age says he wants to talk with me.   Eew, he’s trying to kiss me putting his tongue in my mouth.   The opposite sex has caused me nothing but problems my whole life.   At 15 I’m propositioned for sex.   NOOOOO.   What’s worse its from an older man my Mom’s friends brother.   My Mom left me alone with a man!   Don’t know my Mother was stupid.  Nothing happened thank God, the pervert took no for an answer.

I’m mad because I don’t like to be treated like a sex object.   It’s why I don’t trust men.   I steer clear of men.   No has ever asked me nor has cared to ask me what it’s like to be female living in this corrupt country.  No one gives a damn about women!  and the sexism that they go through.    I’ll give you another example while I served in the U.S. Army all I ever heard was that I should be “barefoot & pregnant”   if that was mean’t to be a joke it was a poor one.   Don’t know how many of you know your military history but women have served in the military since World War 2 women have helped the front battle lines in the following wars like Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan   AND the nurses helped keep those soldiers alive & their spirits soaring since WW1.     Women are just not given any respect.  So please learn to respect females especially ones serving our country!  Women work hard too.