Living with a schizophrenic as a child

My Mother had remarried when I was 2 years old.   This guy was worse than my biological father.   I think it may have been a rebound I just don’t know.  I do know that this guy loved to be violent.   He just didn’t care.   My first memory of him was him bending my Mother over the washing machine & whipping her viciously with a belt.   I was in a high chair.   Yup right in front of me he didn’t care.  This was just the start.  I want to share this in a therapy session however I’m still getting what little money I have to pay her since I have to pay out of pocket.

However I will skip all the violent beatings he did with my Mother & they were horrible.   I still remember those black eyes he gave her.   He would beat me sometimes.  But his rage usually was directed at Mother.   This could be why I don’t like men & I don’t like women either.   That abomination of a man (animal)  yes he was an animal FINALLY passed away in 2011.   Why this piece of shit lived as long as he did is a mystery.  It seems like the most evil of people seem to live the longest go figure everyone!

SO, late one night or in the wee hours I was suffering from the PTSD, I was depressed, and angry this was recent, I decided to do some digging into my former stepfathers past.   I’ll call him  Jack (as in Jack ass).    

It’s not hard to dig into a persons past everyone.   All you need is the persons full name including their middle name (because sometimes people have the same first & last name)  as well as their date of birth.   You’d be surprised how lucky I was because I’m a pretty good guesser.   I pretty much estimated his age.   But what really helped me was that when I went to investigate him that same web page listed all his other relatives AND THATS when I knew I had the right person.   The webpage I went to was VERY GOOD!  If you need the name you’ll have to ask , as I won’t provide it on here.   

What I found was REAL disturbing.   I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned on previous blogs about how my Mother & I had to flee California.   We did with just one suitcase, and we left everything behind to include the family dog.   We had to pack within minutes too.    Anyway, I was 12 years old that year.   We did escape successfully obviously or I wouldn’t be alive to write this.

Okay what I found on XYZ website (not real name) was that the former stepfather Jack had sexually assaulted (raped) a child.  He was convicted, it was in the 1st degree & what that means is that the child was under 12  .   This was a class A felony the most severe this was a very heinous charge.  He did do prison time I’m unsure how much the page didn’t reveal any of that.   He has had other criminal charges as well involving minor children as well as an assault charge.   In the end he & his last Wife were found dead in their apartment for four days before someone discovered them.    According to a step cousin with whom I no longer keep in touch with.  She told my Mother.   Real nice of her (I’m being sarcastic) .    I strongly suspect that Jacks last wife died under suspicious circumstances.   Want to know why I say this?   My Mother SAW her former Husband in the parking lot of a Safeway supermarket where Jack was violently snatching his wife out of her wheelchair then he violently threw her in the car.    That’s right.   Knowing how violent & everyone I do mean violent, controlling , I believe he did something to his wife.   Kind of like if I die then so will you.     This last wife was younger than Jack by some 25 years.   It’s just an eerie feeling.   When you grow up around  a psychopath you get certain gut feelings, you observe their every move as a matter of survival you learn to watch everything about them to insure that they don’t go psycho on you.  It’s insane what children are put through.  Me?  I was methodical in how I dealt with this creep.  I was very, very careful, but even then I would explode & catch hell.  Sometimes this man would mentally drain me so much as a child I literally would fall asleep while I did my homework.   I got caught one evening & I was rewarded with a lighting quick slap that felt like a thousand razors had cut my face.   I now can’t trust any man.  And if a man were to hit me I might kill him.  I am really disturbed folks.  Sorry I’m no Marcia Brady.  

One other thing that step cousin mentioned besides the gruesome deaths was that Jack was schizophrenic.  That would make sense.  Because having grown up with him was like living in one of those POW camps.   I’m still affected to this day, I still have night mares too.    The man has been dead for 5 years & I’m still afraid.   Wow!  Can’t believe I even lived through that.   Mom is still alive.  She turns 77 this (November) month.  I can’t believe that she is still alive!  Talk about your horror story.