Growing Up I Was Taught Zero!

When I was growing up, no one talked to me about sex.   I had boys coming at me much like when one accidentally walks into a hornets nest.   I was so totally ignored.  When your a young girl that’s dangerous.  Grew up in a single parent home that sucked.    I’ll give you an example of how much I was taught about adolescence.   When I returned to school in the fall that year I was in Middle school I was to start the 8th grade right?   I kept wondering what was wrong with all the boys voices.   Confused?  well so was I that year.   

See, I had no idea that a young boy’s voice CHANGES INTO a deeper tone by the time he reaches 13.   I was never told that by my Mother or any adult for that matter.   I can remember that I felt so embarrassed that I did not know that.  I was too ashamed to ask questions, because I used to get shamed by people even to the extent of being called stupid because I didn’t know not one thing about what being an adolescent was all about here I was going through different changes & there was NO ONE that explained a damn thing to me.   I basically figured it out…eventually.    Growing up for me kind of felt like growing up in an insane asylum.   By the time I was in my teens I didn’t know what was going on in my body I was miserable suffering from undiagnosed depression which my Mother shamed me by saying I had an attitude problem making me feel even worse than I was already feeling.    Parents, don’t shame your kids TALK to them cause they need you to help navigate the road that they’re on.

Now I’m going to go into some woman talk so you males who may be reading you may want to go elsewhere I’m getting into something all woman go through.   

I was about 10 years old in the 5th grade, when one day I think it was the school nurse came into the class room & excused the boys to leave to go play on the playground.   What happened next really, truly freaked me out.  The girls in the classroom had to watch a film on the monthly female cycle in its entirety!   I was so freaked out I couldn’t speak or anything.   At ten I didn’t have those issues…..yet & it wouldn’t be until 5 more years until THAT began.    This was in Los Angeles.  I don’t know how many of you follow my blogs but I had attended a very violent public school in inner city Los Angeles.   But still OMG  talk about FAST!  Didn’t get a chance at childhood at that school.   Wow, I felt nauseous after that film.

It kind of went from not being told anything about life & the birds & bees to WHAM! A huge wake up call!   Adolescence was pure HELL and for me it was worse than what it is for the average teen who had a good home life.   By the time I reached 10th grade I was in health class when one day the teacher in his infinite wisdom decides to show us a film on a woman giving birth!   Unedited and I’ll leave it at that.  Again I was in total shock.    I will tell you what happened.  Ten minutes into the film there was a huge shaft of light which was the classroom door being flung open & the sounds of several feet shuffling out the door (the boys).   They couldn’t take it.   Hell neither could I.   

What those experiences taught me all these years later is that parents really need to be PHYSICALLY involved in their kids lives.   Don’t leave them home alone, get them involved in sports or other positive activities.  The girls need extra protecting from possible predators I speak from experience.   Because when there is no parent or guardian the kid will run the streets and that isn’t good.    Remember that saying

“It takes a village to raise a youngster”  or something like that.   I turned out alright but for me that isn’t good enough.   One positive thing because of those teacher mishaps I NEVER GOT PREGNANT!  I never wanted children.   And that was because I barely survived my own childhood which was VERY painful.   I didn’t wan them.   I like kids but I didn’t want them.   I didn’t mind taking a vow of chastity.   The only thing I would change being an adolescent?  would be doing better in school academics.  That and trying to get into some sort of ROTC program.   But I was one confused, sad, depressed, teen with not one person to talk to.   So glad I didn’t think of suicide.     Parents , guardians, or whoever need to step up to the plate for their kids/teen children.    I’ve had to raise myself.  I’ve had to be my own Mother, Father, brother, sister all wrapped into one scared teen.

Parenting is a serious job.  Mentoring a young child is important the world needs more of them.   I got neither & guess what you have?  A person who for several years that is struggling to find her place in the world & be happy for many years of her life.   You see for me it isn’t no longer about finding a relationship, instead it’s about ME & finding a happy balance.  It’s about loving who I am despite the negative voices of the past that used to tell me I was incorrigible & I wouldn’t amount to anything later in life ( and OMG I was interrogated with that phrase)

However on the flip side I don’t trust very easily having been put through so much in my life especially at such a young age, I had to grow up fast, it was arduous on me mentally much of the time making me a kind of a hard ass .   I miss the innocent little girl that I was.  However some of her is still in me.   Some, but not a whole lot.