I live a hard knock life. What does that mean you may ask? It means I don’t get calls of Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, I don’t get gifts from anyone unless I buy them myself. I have got something but it was usually something horrible with zero thought put into the gift i.e. a cheap trinket or something like that. But that’s okay. A lot of pain. Now with that said when it comes to calling up someone to wish them Happy Birthday it is for me something sincere. If I don’t know you, there is nothing between us with not so much as bonding over a cookie I’m not likely to oblige. Case in point I have a distant cousin I was reunited with a few years back when my Aunt was alive. She isn’t a blood relative. We kept in touch over the last
few years. However her Daughter was something totally different. She is distant, cold not the warmest person. At my Aunt’s wake in 2016 this same Daughter chose not to come sit with me to even hold a brief conversation. I was among a throng of people gathered at my late Aunts home & I was all by myself grieving downstairs in total agony in my late Aunts rec room huddled in the fetal position. I didn’t cry but I was real depressed!
The Daughter as I remembered it chose to simply hang out with her own crowd in the kitchen drinking wine laughing which is fine. I was never close nor had we bonded. After my Aunt passed away the two step cousins stayed in the home for a few months my guess is throwing parties. I was never included in the last months of spending the last moments in my Aunts fabulous home before it went into foreclosure. It hurt ALOT, but I said fine, however it only added in making me very cold & distant. So when someone is asking me to wish someone Happy Birthday & I don’t know the person, I am not comfortable with doing this not one bit. We’re not blood relatives, but more importantly this person doesn’t like me, so why call her? When I was asked to wish this woman Happy Birthday I went into a panic. I can only take care of myself. I’m tired & I no longer want to people please. As an adult survivor of childhood mental & physical abuse co-dependency is no longer my thing. And at a certain age Happy Birthday is so blasé. Everyone with all that has happened to me through the years I am just not capable of very much. I’ve been hurt , burned, used, that basically there is nothing left. And when someone doesn’t like me & I’m usually never wrong, I just don’t like to waste my time. So I told the relative that I wasn’t comfortable with wishing Happy Birthday, I also said I don’t know _____________. The relative who suffered a stroke of some kind, didn’t understand. I think her mindset is that of a child I don’t know. With my own personal crisis which I have going on i.e. I’m in the process of moving, getting into temporary housing & more then don’t forget the previous month 12 days before Christmas I get an aggressive gang banger chick SCREAMING racial slurs, vulgarities + punching + kicking my door. I’m not real emotionally healthy right now. All I want is to get a career & some much needed counseling. No one pays me any attention.