In My Case It Didn’t Take A Village.

As a child I grew up around 2 types of adults:

1. Mean & selfish

or

2. Immature & somewhat emotionally stunted

I just wanted to lay the ground work for you on why it’s so hard to get established & I fall prey to the pitfall of everyday life.   It had all began when Mom left Dad when I was 2 only to take up with an abusive Monster.  She took me with her, my Dad then through the corrupt courts abducted me back which in of itself was so painful that I wanted to literally die.   At age 12 when Mom & I did get back together we had to flee once again two states away from her psycho husband to the Pacific Northwest.   Although Mom & I did receive SOME help we really didn’t get all that we should have being that we were 2 traumatized human beings.  One a young single adult Mother in her 30’s & me a 12 year old little girl.    I will say it we were ignored & neglected by other family members.   

Also and this is very important to realize people, I was 12 years old!  I was entering ADOLESCENCE!   No one really did prepare me for that.  Do you understand what I’m saying?  My Mother didn’t talk to me, the Aunt who was pretty cold didn’t bother to talk to me in fact she was mean to me at times, she had very little tolerance for me I was a CHILD & she could be so CATTY she would insult me like she would be talking to a grown up that’s how much (or how little compassion she had).   At times I didn’t like her.   Then there was nothing but petty jealousy against Mom & I when WE were the one’s that fled a DANGEROUS MAN  back in California no one seemed concerned with that.   I really don’t want to make this about race so I won’t.  Instead let me just say that CERTAIN families just aren’t filled with any damn love nor do they care I wasn’t feeling the love!  Those people sure were selfish towards how they treated Mom & I.   That’s all I ever wanted.   See I was thoughtful, intelligent I didn’t care about material things like the other idiots around me.   I just wanted love & some much needed guidance & ATTENTION!  which I never received from anyone.   

I talked with my Mother just last night about some of this because this has been bothering me for sometime now.  And she agreed with me on ALL of what I said.

I did ask her about this however.   I asked her what would have happened if instead of coming to the Pacific Northwest that instead we would have went down south to New Orleans were my Mother is originally from.   Mom put into perspective the reality if we had went to New Orleans.

When we arrived to Seattle in the 70’s we had nothing.  The Sister-In-Law provided Mom with a car which Mom had to take over the payments.

The Sister-In-Law gave Mom a job immediately upon arrival to Seattle.

Mom pointed out that had we went to New Orleans none of the above would have happened since her relative were living in poverty the chances of getting a car provided then a job were about slim to none.   

Still I think I would have took the poverty over the abuse we took coming to Seattle.  Because remember being ignored, neglected along with the occassional verbal abuse that I took which was unnecessary is just as bad as being physically hit on a consistent basis.

I’m still resentful .  I need mental health services to address these issues real bad because except for the fact I write all these blogs & I write a lot of them NO?   I have no other person to talk to about how horribly I’ve been treated.     I would like to share something else with you.

One year before my Aunt died March 20th 2015  I called to wish her Happy Birthday.  She was extremely how should I say this a bit standoffish / aloof in her manner.   The next day the step cousins tweedle dee / dumb throw her a HUGE-we know your dying type of send off birthday party & of course I wasn’t invited.  Want to know when I heard about the party?   Month later on my own birthday my Mother told me.   Bastards to the highest degree.   Their Father  would be so disappointed in them.  Don’t care how much education they have they are some low class cretins.     Only way for me to deal with it is counseling.  Problem is I don’t know where to find good counseling.   Been calling the V.A.  for forever it seems.

AAh  to be continued  I need lunch.   Life does SUCK!  Disrespect, racial slurs & NO LOVE ANYWHERE!