When Your Raised Hated On, Gender BIAS, Then Jealousy What DO YOU EXPECT?

Hated on because your a woman, excluded from activities such as watching that all American sport football because “women don’t watch football” and then excluded from even going to a live football game because your not a male!   OUCH that happened when I was a youngster  what is that people gender shaming? One thing I never understood when this happened as a child was the shaming.  How come NONE of the family of guys bothered to TEACH, TEACH (yes I said it twice) us young girls how the game was played?  Hello you don’t know football through what is that word osmosis?  Now it doesn’t even matter since I loathe the game & won’t bother to watch it.  

I was in 3rd grade when I was paired up in public school with another kid a grade up from me to help me with math.  The school I went to was fucked up & it’s staff inept.  Anyway, this boy is sitting next to me and I can tell he is NOT wanting to help in any kind of way.   I’m struggling with some math problems in the textbook when he says “You sure are stupid”!    I’m 8 years old people.  You just don’t say that to someone who is 8 years old.   I didn’t know how to speak up for myself.   I was being abused, I was taken abruptly away from my Mother then sent to yet ANOTHER new school and this one much worse than the previous one, and I get this cretin telling me I’m stupid.   That right there pretty much set the stage for everything in my life!

It didn’t stop there either.  All throughout my life I’ve been shamed about one thing or another.   Words like good job are so foreign to me.  I think if I were to hear those words today I would likely faint from shock!   I’ve always been alienated, even from my own Mother who when she talks about her own dead Mother doesn’t EVEN bother to call her “my grandmother”  but “Oh I miss Mother”  it’s like I’m not even there when I sit across from her.   She gets this stupid far away look.   Narcisstic to the highest order.     I think at times that she forgets that I’m even there to be honest.

I always feel that people get jealous of the way that I speak.  Well I’m not compromising the way that I am for NOBODY!   If I even have a better breakfast cereal to eat in the morning the other person is jealous & it has happened people, I had a cousin when I was 7 who loved to manipulate people into getting what he wanted and I know that cereal is a small thing but not to me, I’m proving a point here.

All I ever wanted was to be treated EQUALLY!  And with respect.  But did I receive that?   I will have to answer with a resounding NO!   No one has given a damn about my feelings.   Not when I was in childhood, not in my teens with my Mother yelling & screaming at me with her unstable moods, not when I joined the military and talked to like I was a prostitute i.e. the vulgarities a woman has to go through.

I am a single woman, and no one has really CARED ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING!   EVER.  All I know are women being beaten up, talked to or talked down to like peaseants, vulgarities.  You just can’t imagine what it was like for me being a woman here in these United States.