Sometimes All I Need Is Some Kindness.

Today is Sunday on the Peninsula here in this boring place I live at.  I had a bipolar anger episode/PTSD brought on by the stress of looking online for an apartment which here is about next to impossible with the overpopulation of everyone moving to Pacific Northwest.   When a thought came to me, I learned how to use a computer 18 years ago by chance of sorts.   

You see I had been volunteering my time at a non profit cancer agency.  It was only myself & another female I’ll call her Jane.   I wanted to be friends with Jane however as is always the case she was pretty indifferent towards me.   Jane & I talked but it lacked any real warmth it was  strictly office friendly.   I shared a story with Jane about how one day while I was over at my Mothers house ( yes this was a long, long time ago) my niece was also over at the house & the first thing she did was to get on the computer.  My niece wanted me to play a game on the computer with her & I said that I didn’t know how to use one ( the year was 1999-2000)  the niece replied with “you don’t know what your missing”.

In a conversation with Jane I relayed this story.   Well she may have been indifferent towards me but at least she was considerate enough to tell me about a class that she was teaching at a local community college called “intro to the internet”  which was an all day class & free.   I thought it very nice of her to at least acknowledge me & offer this to me because I am ALWAYS overlooked + ignored on just about everything in life when it comes to attention that I want to get from other people.   One thing that did irritate me about Jane was how she kept repeating to me to make sure I showed up to the class.   I kind of felt like she was treating me like I was stupid or something.   Either that or she had some sort of stereotype about me.  But I didn’t like her repetition of telling me to show up.  When you give me a time & date of something rest assured I WILL SHOW UP! Repeating yourself just isn’t necessary.

So, I show up to class which lasted an entire day.   Jane really didn’t pay any attention to me whatsoever.  Not a hello how are you  NOTHING.  And that’s how these women are here in these neck of the woods superficial.   Jane was like bragging about all the stuff she owns ,  what stock she invested in the stock market.   To me she seemed to be showing off.   I felt real insecure in that classroom.   Women, please be kind to one another & stop bragging about what you have because you know what?  some people like myself don’t have a lot or much, a lot of us are at different points in life.  That’s why its so damn hard to have women as friends!  They’re as fickle as the wind and very shallow if your not up to standards forget about being a part of the clique of women,  and I know I’ve been around other women for awhile.   

One day I hope to get married to someone not from the U.S.   Because in this country Black women really get treated like dirt.   I certainly deserve better than what I’ve been getting.   Oh &  after the all day internet class I eventually quit showing up to the volunteering gig.   I really didn’t like how Jane treated me.

One last note this is exactly why I don’t like to volunteer well not here in the Pacific Northwest because guess what? there’s discrimination there too.   I volunteered at 4 different places.   The people at these places well at least in Seattle are no friendlier.  Women of color forget about getting treated with any kind of dignity here no matter how nice you are most of these people here?  All the Seattle natives see is COLOR.   I was listening to a local radio station a rock station & a celebrity DJ had said that the people here are so nice.   Easy for him to say he is White & a celebrity that’s a big difference.   Thanks for reading.