Another Birthday Another Year I’m Disappointed With My Life.

I just had another birthday it was on Wednesday.   I like having a birthday but I’m always sad when it ends.   I did spend it with my Mother however when we got to the Chinese restaurant here in the International district in Seattle she became a bit demanding with the staff.  The staff were not real pleased with my Mother I could tell.

Sometimes I sure wished that I had some fun friends to hang with.  But I have no one else right now to do that with.

What I’m most irritated is that I just don’t like were i’m at in my life.  I’ve made nothing of my life.    I’m not a success, I didn’t turn out a success.    I’ve been at a disadvantage since the age of 8.    And, although a lot of people who have had a whole lot of disadvantage in life & turned out successful the difference between them & myself is that they had HELP!  Someone who paid attention & saw to it that they got what they needed.    I didn’t get that & it’s really hurt me in ways you can’t begin to understand.    I’m so far behind the curve in life that it isn’t even funny.   The biggest effect has been 100% neglect.   I grew up in a single parent home & I didn’t even have other siblings to contend with.   Another problem was my emotional development.   Once Mom & I arrived in Washington State all those many years ago, I was 12 years old & we had to leave everything behind.  We had minutes to pack, we had to leave the family dog behind that I only JUST began getting acquainted with and what was really awful we had to leave CALIFORNIA a state I grew up in  & was raised in to go to a state so completely different & backwards Washington state.   

For many years after ages 12-18 I really didn’t get much in the way of emotional development I stayed frozen, childlike while other kids made fun of me, I felt alienated, different from all the other kids my age, and I didn’t do well in school because I didn’t understand anything the teacher was saying & I received little to no support while in school.    I barely graduate high school which let me clarify that, I was PROMOTED which means I learned nothing in one grade but since I caused no problems I got promoted a grade anyway.    In some (or most) public schools this happens more than you think people.    Parents beware.   I go into the U.S. Army.   Why you might ask?

Because the military recruiters used to come to the school campus.   Otherwise I wouldn’t have known to join the armed forces no one talked to me at school.   I don’t even think that the school counselors bothered to talk to me.   Ever hear of the term “falling through the cracks”?   Well I fell through one big crater!

So since I was getting attention from this recruiter, I felt special like I mattered who wouldn’t?  Remember I was getting nothing at home.   My Mother rarely was home I was all by myself except for times that I spent over at my bff’s house for dinner or to hang out.    Thank God for her otherwise I would have ended up running with a bad crowd, going to juvie it would have been pretty horrible, you all know the pitfalls that await a young teen girl with no support , verbal abuse combined with neglect at home.    IT’S BAD!  I don’t think that I need to spell that out for you.

I’m so mad at myself because while serving in the Army I didn’t take advantage of the benefit of one thing:  getting an AA degree then trying to apply for the privilege of going to Westpoint academy .  

As an enlisted soldier I would have been eligible provided I had an Associates degree to apply for appointment with the United States Military Academy.  It doesn’t mean I would’ve gotten accepted but hell it would have been a great chance.    Only one problem:   I had no idea about any of that.   I didn’t know about how enlisted men or women had opportunity like this.   I never knew.   I worked my ass off while in Uncle Sam’s Army but I never knew about this one thing.

Of course I came across this info way too late in life.   You see I watch a lot of YouTube so I came across the videos about the West point cadets life.   One of the many things I found out was that the academy has many open slots for enlisted to apply for admission.   It’s not just West Point other academy’s provide the  same opportunity the Citadel is another one that does.

I was so disgusted & irritated that I had to write this blog about it.   And since I just had another birthday I really felt like I somehow failed.   Please send me some support or like this blog.   I need to go now.