I still struggle. I still have no friends except for one in the Washington Veterans Home were I used to live near. I still have no romantic relationship it has been many years. Yep, I’ve been single a very long time. I am treated with continued disrespect for some reason most people just don’t care how I’m treated, I guess I have no feelings. It’s difficult I feel marginalized and of course I feel like I have nothing to live for. And sometimes I get triggered watching the damn TV especially the nightly news because I feel that the people on TV live better lives than I do.
There are many, many times where I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere! I try to talk to my Mother but she just doesn’t get it. All I get is: “There are people out there who would love to be alone”. That’s what she said to me today. I’m like really? No one enjoys being alone. Another dumb thing my Mother said was this: “Well you have some people who are with someone that they don’t really want to be with. I didn’t relate to that one at all. She says some dumb stuff. I’m trying to find a good mental health therapist but those are real difficult to find especially when your all alone with ZERO SUPPORT. I have a standing appointment coming soon. I hope that this place helps me. About 3 years ago I sat at the computer & typed out my family history so that whatever therapist I get can take the time to read it. If I don’t get a therapist who will read what I typed then that therapist will no longer be my therapist. I have some decades and I want someone to read what I had to go through, I have to tell you that going through what I went through has gone a long way to almost ruin my life & provide me with a whole host of mental health issues which no one cares to know about me. Does anyone give a damn? I’m guessing NO.
Being alone with no one in my life, living in a bad part of town (again) and struggling to make something of myself in a world that thinks of me as a Nigger, lazy, no good etc is kind of difficult. I’m never given a chance.