How I cope?

Wow, so today I’m finally up & out of bed. I had slept so well. Reason? I’m house sitting & its a whole lot quieter over here. Where I live? Is a ground floor apartment. And I don’t need to tell all of you that it is a major pain in the ass, if your upstairs neighbors exhibit alot of anger i.e. punching the walls, yelling screaming at their: girlfriend, boyfriend or whatever…this last one? I HATE! I grew up around alot of violence among the very same people (parents) who had raised me. Also domestic violence.
A little advise for you couples who fight? Get your ass away from your partner, check into a motel, cool off, and get some COUNSELING for goodness sakes please! cause it isn’t fair for the rest of us to have to hear your B.S.
However I digress.
Here’s how I cope with:
loneliness
isolation
lack of family around

Here is a partial list of how I do it. For you that are in the same boat? You may have different coping skills.
1. Watching my favorite shows (on DVD) from the 80’s & 70’s. I prefer the old classic shows of my youth. TV today sucks!
My recommendations fellow bloggers & readers: Hunter The Complete series
and
The Carol Burnett Show (Some of the skits are corny, but there are some prize gem comedy skits & music finales.
2. I write & I blog. I direct my anger & sometimes a little bit of joy (which hasn’t been lately) into the written word everyone. I realize that some or all of you may not agree with me? Well that’s not why I write. I write to get that 2,000 pound load off my chest & head.
3. I go for a walk. That sure has helped. There is a great trail I have recently used, however I stay vigilant & pack a portable weapon of O.C. spray + something else secretly stashed on my person JUST IN CASE. I don’t trust anybody.
4. Martial Arts (thats pending due to money, but will enroll once I have met my goal)
5. House sitting. Theres a nice house, and 3 little dogs.
6. I do want a dog. However my apartment charges 400 dollars just for a deposit! So I have a pet deposit in addition to what it may cost to buy a small dog. Or getting one at the dog pound. So its pending everyone.
7. Goals everyone! I’ve set my sights & aspiration on a career goal, I’ve changed my mind alot. It’s the maritime. Still pending on this one. Since I have to act as my own career counselor (remember I have never had any help on the direction of my life EVER) this one is still in the works. Still waiting on the vocational counseling agency run by the State to re-open my case. Yeah, its a long story.
8. Well thats it for now.
It makes me so sad that in all of my life NO ONE took the time to give me any direction whatsoever, and that hurts me worse than all of the verbal + physical abuse + abandonment from my Mother at a young age, put together.
How I steered clear of being one of SEVERAL women of color to avoid incarceration is a F**king mystery to me.
I wouldn’t mind finding the love of my life right about now, but maybe it will happen.
Like the song says I NEED A MIRACLE.
Bye

People Please Quit Stereotyping African Americans.

I may have wrote about this before, however it bears repeating. I am so sick & tired of OTHER people presuming or assuming what I like, what kinds of people I should hang out with, and the list of irritation goes on & on.
I’m proud to be an African American Female.
However, I don’t like the stigma & hate that goes with my ethnicity.
There are MANY!
There is the stereotype that African Americans are lazy & not real smart.
Well…to that I answer NONSENSE & those that think this absurdity I’ll direct them to the local public library, because over half the inventions were invented by an African American.
The traffic light is one of MANY. African Americans have invented many of the things we use to this very day. Google African American inventions if you want, then read for yourself.
Another of MANY that gets on my nerves is assuming I would want to attend any particular event held solely for African Americans.
Example:
One former friend who contacted me through Facebook about 5 years ago, mentioned to me about an event a parade in her town that was an African American parade.
This was okay.
The only problem I had?
I did not inquire anything about this parade. People don’t try to read my mind. You’ll get it wrong 10 out of 10 times. Just an FYI.
Another one?
We all love malt Liquor.
Wrong.
Rap Music.
Wrong again
We’re not smart enough
Wrong again!
Another stereotype is that African American women are whores. It’s the truth! Some of you may try to deny any such thing exists, but hey I sure as hell cannot! It has been my experience(s) I will be walking down a sidewalk in MIDDAY dressed casually in jeans,sneakers and it has just so happened that some stupid Mother F**ker will pull over his car…guess what he ain’t asking for damn directions either! So there the dehumanization issue there folks>
Although African Americans face such huge barriers..I can only speak from MY own personal experience from abuse of all forms to people viewing me with down right disgust. African Americans are the most resilient.
Well we have to be. This World the USA (Or U.S. of Assholes as I laughingly, call it) if we’re not resilient which I can assure you I had to be, than we’d die!
Let me enlighten you all out there:
I DON’T have a criminal record.
I NEVER GOT pregnant ( With Guys seemingly coming at me on a daily basis since I was 8 this was no SMALL FEAT)
I’m articulate
I love to read
And if it hadn’t been for the lack of support, lots of financial barriers, along with several years of trauma that is taking me a lifetime to recover from, I just may have been the one to get the PhD or something else successful.
It still isn’t too late and I’m working so hard to make up for lost time. Due to lots of psychological damage inflicted upon me by:
Parents
former friends
I have made bad choices.
At least they weren’t MAJOR bad choices.
I’m sure you all know what I mean by this.
Look beyond the skin color people.
Sometimes I want to ask the question:
“Did you all NOT have any kind of experiences or grow up around others of different ethnicity”?
I want to share with you all that I suffered being called SEVERAL racial slurs and can you guess what year I was traumatized? August 6, 2010. Not that long ago.
I was called the “N” word 12 times, had the death threats, and was called a fat B**h.
See, what some of you may not understand is that when an African American gets attacked by:
Racial slurs
Racial hate
Assault
Rape
abduction
We’re less likely to get any dignified treatment, nor garner much attention through the media OF ANY KIND. And as you may or may not know law enforcement could care less. Sometimes we as African Americans MAY be lucky enough to have a loving spouse, significant other, or family it can more often than not be constant battle for civil & equal rights.
Hey, African Americans are human too!

Valentines Day Is Stupid!

Love blows

One woman on a solo journey through this crazy ass life.

I think that Valentines Day is so stupid.

I can’t get away from the disgusting view at the supermarket when I walk inside to buy a few groceries it looks like someone threw up all red, white balloons everywhere, those stupid sayings on them of “I love you”  ad nauseous.   Hey all of you I have to tell you that “love” is a very fleeting feeling.    I myself do not believe in Valentines day.

I ride a shuttle van when the distance is too far to catch a public transportation bus.   The driver of the van had asked me if I celebrated Valentines day.   I replied with “no”  he seemed surprised.   I told him I don’t like nor do I believe in it.   I’ve never really been romantically involved much in the past 15 years or so.   Unsure of why, but it never really works out.   I’ll tell you why:…

View original post 294 more words

Valentines Day Is Stupid!

I think that Valentines Day is so stupid.

I can’t get away from the disgusting view at the supermarket when I walk inside to buy a few groceries it looks like someone threw up all red, white balloons everywhere, those stupid sayings on them of “I love you”  ad nauseous.   Hey all of you I have to tell you that “love” is a very fleeting feeling.    I myself do not believe in Valentines day.

I ride a shuttle van when the distance is too far to catch a public transportation bus.   The driver of the van had asked me if I celebrated Valentines day.   I replied with “no”  he seemed surprised.   I told him I don’t like nor do I believe in it.   I’ve never really been romantically involved much in the past 15 years or so.   Unsure of why, but it never really works out.   I’ll tell you why: Once when I had learned of someone who really liked me & was attracted to me, which I was thrilled, but the problem?  the person NEVER opened up to tell me!  I had no clue, my roommate knew but guess what readers?   I was told over a month AFTER my roommate & I had returned from Northern Washington.    Surprise!   I was monumentally pissed.   I did what I could to locate this person at their place of employment but they quit.    Opportunity lost.   I’ve given up on ever finding love.   And let me tell you I am not ugly either.    I’m attractive and don’t look my age either.   My shape is decent, I thank God that I don’t have the obesity problem that everyone else seems to suffer from.   But as far as romance goes it has eluded me.    The term “unlucky in love” could have been coined after me,   that’s how I feel.    Valentines Day is just plain silly.   And I don’t mean that because I’m single either.    I feel that our energies should be placed elsewhere, like helping the homeless obtain affordable housing, making sure that a family doesn’t go hungry from lack of food in the house cause Mom or Dad lost their job & must live in a motel (if they’re lucky)  Romance is VERY fleeting I know that all too well back in the day when I was  dumped for someone else.    As for the couples I don’t like them.    And couples sure do hate people that are single. Single people are treated like lepers.   But then again we live in a society that is selfish, shallow, shows lack of compassion & empathy for others & is so severely judgemental to those less fortunate.     So Happy Valentines to you selfish society!   Don’t choke on the chocolates

Superbowl

I’m at a friends house, it’s more Mom’s friend. I’m over at her house watching the Superbowl. I don’t care who wins actually. It’s the Seahawks vs New England. As I type this the New England Pat’s won. I don’t really care, I’m merely over here because I have no cable at my apartment.
I should have put some money on New England because I had a gut feeling that they might win.
I pity the person who had gambled money on Seattle.
However, I was asked an interesting question the night before last from my friend Judy.
That question was this:
“Do you understand the game of football?”
I replied:
“Well just the little I learned from my high school P.E. teacher”/
And that was about it.
You see, as a child my Father LOVED football. However whenever he would sit down to watch a game he pretty much ignored me & everyone else in the vicinity. He would never ask me to join him, and I was too timid of a child to even ask him. My Father never bothered talking sports with me. Ignored.
When my Mother & I had first arrived to Washington State all those many years ago, it really didn’t get much better in my opinion.
I was ignored when the subject of sports was talked about & not only that but when the Seattle Seahawks first became a football franchise it was my male cousin who would be asked to the game & not myself or my female cousin Pam.
You cannot imagine the deepset hurt I felt! I felt resentment, anger, alienation.
So it was for that reason that I never really developed an interest in sports particularly football.
Females are always treated like 2nd class citizens.
Things have changed however that doesn’t mean that the hurt I felt isn’t gone.
I do like football now, however I’m just not inclined to just sit & watch it every single Sunday of the season.
My advice to all Fathers out there: Don’t alienate your Daughters. Be sure to bond with them & teach them the game of football. Hell, go outside & throw the ball with them. Because we hurt just like the boys do.
We want to be included too.
So don’t forget that please