I went to yet another therapist today, this one out in Bremerton. She seemed nice. I’m at a really low point in my life. Hard as I try I can’t get ANYWHERE I’m stuck and it sucks. I told the therapist about what I went through & you know what? I really didn’t like how she tells me that its in the past. I wanted to strangle her.
What I went through was absolute torture as a kid. Now I’m so confused & a mess I don’t know who I am. I do know that I don’t like anyone I can’t trust anyone because I just have zero experience of anyone being nice to me. I’ve been betrayed. Someone I once liked a lot was gone because someone else told lies & I lost a good opportunity to have a positive relationship. I’m so sick of life.
For me life is a daily grind! And I’m exhausted. When I tried to be nice all I run into are total whining types who are toxic. I don’t think that I ever met hardly any healthy friends except in high school. I sort of wished I had married but that opportunity never came up either. I just never had many milestones in my life. I never had any help in developing into a woman who would make good decisions because no one was ever there! Like for example as a teen my Mother would come home from work, fix a bowl of cereal then go straight up to her room & SHUT THE DOOR! No words no nothing. I was left all alone with no one to talk to. And that’s just one example of many. I have a birthday coming up but I am not looking forward to it. In fact I hope that I don’t wake up. I’m so tired of living in this world.
If something doesn’t happen soon some kind of miracle or change I just don’t know what I’ll do. The bitch therapist asks me If I love myself. Well how in the fuck can I do that if I was NEVER SHOWN WHAT THAT MEANS! I didn’t grow up in a house that even showed me love or explained to me what that word even means!!
I was screamed at, ignored, treated like dirt, locked in my room & I couldn’t come out. I was treated like an inmate in jail. And it was over & over & over. For years kind of like being in….no it was like being in a POW camp. When people say to get over it, that is the most insensitive & ignorant thing a person could say. I don’t even know if I can heal and the fact that I’m alone have no friends or anyone to help me through this makes it much worse. I know that I have an elderly Mother but I only see her on a limited basis. Remember I don’t live with her. I just don’t like my life. My life just seems stuck! I’ve tried everything fails. Visited over 12 churches & that doesn’t work. Christians hate single women. And they are judgemental. Not one has reached out to me. That’s it.
I don’t think that I ‘ll go to anymore. I’ve been to five and they suck! The few people that bother to show up are so depressing that I want to hang myself. I don’t much like that.
Then, there is always one needy person usually a guy who won’t leave & lingers around when everyone else is cleaning up & packing away all the mental health literature. These meetings aren’t intended to be therapy. It’s stated right at the very beginning . I was highly peeved by one guy the one who loitered around instead of getting in his car to leave because there weren’t that many of us just four to include the facilitator, when I wanted to help the facilitator put away the massive amounts of mental health magazines & other literature into the plastic containers, I asked K. if she needed any help. This guy starts in with putting away the literature. Jerk. I really wanted to tell him to just go away. Guys support group meetings aren’t someplace to pick up a woman, if you want to do that go to a bar not a support group meeting.
Here is another weird thing the weird guy did. Once he got outside of the church were the support group meeting was held he didn’t even go to his car! His car was parked but the guy was no where to be found. Both myself & K. were wondering were he went. Want to know why? The support group meeting was held out in the boonies. There wasn’t anything out there but a lot of trees in all directions. There weren’t any other cars in the parking lot except K. and this weird guy. That kind of gave me the creeps. See this is why I hate co-ed meetings. Guys are just so weird at these support group meetings because they don’t go for support they go to pick up women or to stalk them. This is the last meeting I’ll go to. Sorry NAMI but the meetings are plain AWFUL! The meetings just do NOT help. An like everywhere else to include those 12 step meetings you get weirdos & creeps. If NAMI gets a womens only meeting I may go again. But until then forget it.
I’ve recently opened a Facebook account. So far its been a tribute page to Katelyn Nicole Davis the 12 year old suicide. Now, I saw the dreadful event on her camera or whatever she used short of the final final deed. So now some punk comes on my page disrespecting me saying things like “you people” & that “I don’t know what I’m talking about”.
First of all The late Katelyn Davis recorded EVERYTHING! How else does anyone think I got this info? I didn’t just make this up people. She showed how she lived which was a dilapidated very rundown mobile home. Hell Katelyn’s room had poor insulation which she showed on her phone & a hole in the floor of her room the size of a grapefruit! She showed how her floors leaked. It wasn’t fit for human habitation. What is the saying? The camera never lies!
I will not be bullied, nor disrespected. I kick ass when it comes to standing up for myself & Facebook trolls or cyber bullies are no different.
Follow me on my Facebook page. No trolls please, and for God’s sake no Catfish either.
My Photo(s) will be coming. Opened the account just tonight. Want friends from all around the world please. My name is Valerie Pendelton. I would appreciate the friendships.
When it comes to the raising of young girls parents just don’t seem to give a damn!
There I said it. Don’t like what I said, feel free to leave & read another blog because I’m angry over how young girls are treated. I guess this comes in the wake of me discovering the story of a young 12 year old little girl in Georgia who committed suicide back in 2016. You can read about her story which I’ve wrote up I called it Katelyns Back Story. If you don’t want to then its on you. But I have a serious issue with how Fathers aren’t around for their Daughters ( are they taking up with another woman, scared of the childs Mother WTF?) I’m tired of how the Mother because SHE gets overwhelmed takes out her rage on
the Daughter instead of acting like a grown up & handling her business like she is supposed to do. And if she doesn’t know how to do that then they have this thing its called THERAPY. FAMILY THERAPY! Take some F**king responsibility will you! Because trust me there will be more child suicides & hell there have been many before Katelyn & there will continue to be if you Parents don’t step up to the plate. Kids can’t raise themselves. Kids can’t raise their own siblings or even be caregivers that’s what daycare & relatives are for. It’s up to you to do the damn research & problem solve how to take care of your kids because do you know what?
these kids are the future they will be adults one day girls are not sexual objects, girls are not supposed to be Mothers when they are still young & developing themselves, girls should be nurtured, girls should be treated like the little princesses that they are, . If you can’t take care of them that’s okay, then put them with relatives who care or some other alternative. And YouTube needs to remove certain content off its website. When will people learn that girls lives MATTER!